Handling Holiday Grief
Handling Holiday Grief: Finding Comfort and Healing During the Season
The holidays are often marketed as the happiest time of the year, filled with joy, connection, and celebration. But for many, this season can be a painful reminder of loss, strained relationships, or unfulfilled expectations. If you’ve experienced grief, whether due to the loss of loved ones, broken relationships, or the absence of family connections, you’re not alone. The holidays can magnify these feelings, making it challenging to cope.
As someone who has faced many years of grief and spent numerous holidays alone, I want to share my journey and offer practical ways to navigate this time of year. Let’s explore how you can honor your emotions, build meaningful traditions, and find moments of peace amidst the chaos.
Acknowledging Holiday Grief
It’s okay to feel sadness, anger, or even numbness during the holidays. Emotional suppression or avoiding your feelings will only prolong the pain. Instead, give yourself permission to acknowledge your emotions. Grief counseling or trauma therapy can be invaluable in helping you process these feelings and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
If you’re dreading the holidays or find yourself overwhelmed by memories of what used to be, remember that your emotions are valid. Holidays often bring up a mix of emotions, including joy, sorrow, and nostalgia. Recognizing these feelings is the first step in handling holiday grief.
Creating New Traditions
For many, the holidays are steeped in family traditions, but these can be painful reminders of what you’ve lost. Creating new traditions can help you reclaim the season in a way that feels meaningful to you. Here are some ideas:
Solo Celebrations: Cook your favorite holiday meal, even if it’s just for you. I make myself a full Thanksgiving dinner every year, complete with roast chicken and wine. It’s a way to honor the traditions I had with my mom while creating something special for myself.
Friendsgiving or Holiday Gatherings: If you have supportive friends, consider hosting a small gathering. Sharing a meal or exchanging simple gifts can bring warmth and connection.
Volunteer Work: Helping others can be a powerful way to shift your focus. Consider volunteering at a local shelter, food bank, or community event.
Travel or Outdoor Activities: If possible, take a trip or spend the day hiking, skiing, or engaging in another activity you enjoy. The change of scenery can be refreshing.
Examples of Traditions Across Different Cultures
Around the world, cultures celebrate the holidays in unique ways. Exploring these traditions can provide inspiration and remind you of the universal nature of celebration and connection:
Mexico: Día de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead, honors loved ones who have passed with altars, marigolds, and favorite foods.
Sweden: During Christmas, many families celebrate St. Lucia’s Day with processions and special baked goods like saffron buns.
India: Diwali, the Festival of Lights, involves lighting oil lamps, feasting, and celebrating with family and friends.
Japan: New Year’s traditions include sending greeting cards, eating soba noodles, and cleaning the house to start the year fresh.
Learning about these customs can inspire you to adapt or create your own meaningful practices.
Processing Your Emotions
Grieving during the holidays isn’t just about mourning the people we’ve lost; it’s also about grieving the traditions and connections we miss. Taking time to reflect on what these memories mean to you can be healing. Here are some ways to process your emotions:
Journaling: Write about your feelings, memories, or hopes for the future. Journaling can help you understand why certain traditions or people are so meaningful to you.
Talking to a Therapist: A grief counselor or trauma therapist can guide you through the healing process. They can help you unpack complex emotions and develop strategies to cope.
Creative Outlets: Express your grief through art, music, or writing. These activities can be cathartic and help you release pent-up emotions.
Mindfulness Practices: Spend time meditating, praying, or practicing deep breathing exercises. These practices can help you stay present and grounded.
Practicing Radical Acceptance
One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is to accept that some things can’t be changed. Radical acceptance doesn’t mean you’re okay with the loss; it means you acknowledge it and choose to move forward. The holidays are a moment in time, and while they may feel overwhelming now, this season will pass.
Remind yourself that grief is not linear. Some days will be harder than others, and that’s okay. Practicing self-compassion can make a world of difference. Be kind to yourself and recognize that healing is a journey.
Tips for Balancing Grief with Joy
Finding moments of joy during the holidays doesn’t mean you’re forgetting or dishonoring your grief. Here are some ways to find balance:
Set Boundaries: If certain events or traditions feel too overwhelming, give yourself permission to say no.
Practice Gratitude: Focus on small things that bring you happiness, like a warm cup of tea or a favorite holiday song.
Limit Social Media: Avoid comparing your experience to others. Social media often presents an idealized version of the holidays.
Plan Downtime: Schedule time to rest and recharge, especially if you’re attending holiday events.
Finding Forgiveness and Compassion
Grief can bring up complicated emotions, especially if your loss involves strained relationships. You might find yourself grieving not just the person or tradition, but also the potential of what could have been. It’s okay to feel conflicted. Here are some ways to navigate these feelings:
Forgive Yourself: If you’re carrying guilt or regret, remind yourself that you did the best you could with the knowledge and resources you had at the time.
Extend Compassion: Even if someone hurt you deeply, it’s possible to grieve their absence while holding boundaries. Grieving doesn’t mean excusing harmful behavior; it means acknowledging the loss.
Seek Closure: Closure doesn’t always come from others. Sometimes, it’s about finding peace within yourself. Write a letter to the person you’ve lost (whether they’re alive or not) and express everything you need to say.
How Faith or Spirituality Can Help
For many, faith or spirituality provides a source of comfort during difficult times. If this resonates with you, consider how your beliefs can support you through the holiday season:
Prayer or Meditation: Spend time in quiet reflection, seeking guidance or solace from a higher power.
Attend Services: Joining a holiday service or gathering with others in your faith community can provide a sense of connection.
Scripture or Inspirational Readings: Find passages or texts that bring you peace and encouragement.
Reaching Out for Support
You don’t have to face holiday grief alone. Whether it’s a trusted friend, family member, or professional, sharing your feelings can provide relief. Here are some ways to find support:
Grief Counseling: A grief counselor can help you navigate the complexities of loss and find healthier ways to cope.
Support Groups: Joining a support group can connect you with others who understand what you’re going through.
Helplines and Online Communities: If in-person support isn’t an option, consider reaching out to helplines or online forums dedicated to grief and trauma.
Looking Ahead with Hope
While the holidays may always carry a tinge of sadness, they can also be an opportunity to reflect on what matters most to you. Grief doesn’t define you; it’s a part of your story, but it’s not the whole story.
Take small steps toward creating a life that honors your past while embracing the present. This might mean focusing on gratitude, setting intentions for the new year, or simply allowing yourself to rest and recover.
Final Thoughts
If you’re struggling with holiday grief, know that you’re not alone. This season can be incredibly challenging, but with the right tools and support, you can find moments of peace and healing. Whether it’s through creating new traditions, seeking therapy, or practicing self-compassion, there are ways to navigate this difficult time.
You are more than your grief, more than your losses, and more than the hardships you’ve faced. Healing is possible, and you deserve to find joy and connection—in your own time and your own way.
Ready to start grief counseling or trauma therapy?
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by grief, trauma, or the stress of the holiday season, know that you don’t have to navigate these challenges alone. At Black Bold and Learning Therapy, I'm dedicated to providing compassionate and effective therapy to help you heal and grow.
Here's how to get started:
Schedule a Free Consultation: Take the first step towards healing by contacting Black Bold and Learning Therapy to schedule a free consultation.
Learn More About Your Therapist: Discover more about Jasmine Jaquess and her approach to therapy.
Start Your Healing Journey: Begin your personalized healing process with in-person therapy in Colorado Springs or online therapy anywhere in Colorado
Beyond Grief and Trauma:
Black Bold and Learning Therapy offers a wide range of services to meet your unique needs. In addition to grief and trauma counseling, we also provide therapy for athletes, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and more.
