It can be hard for young adult women, who are perfectionists and hard on themselves, to truly love themselves. You hear everywhere that self-love is the ultimate goal. Many times we find ourselves looking for fillers to address the parts of us we do not love. That discomfort is often times food. It can easily become a source of comfort in times of insecurity or low self-worth. So when this seems so easy, to turn to, is true self-love possible?

What is self-love really?

Self-love can be thought of as the process of accepting yourself for who you are - warts and all - and knowing that you already have what it takes to be your best self. It means authentically accepting where you're at right now, without comparing yourself to anyone else. That, however, is easier said than done. We want to take on the concept of loving ourselves. Until we mess up or don't reach our expectations. So what do we do then? We are hard on ourselves. We tell each other the patterns and narratives we have experienced for so long are true and not capable of being healed. Or, you are like me and we avoid our feelings because they are uncomfortable to sit with and instead comfort eat.

How do I overcome this temptation to stress eat, comfort eat, or binge eat?

The key to developing self-love is recognizing that it’s something that needs to be worked on every day. It's not something that will just happen overnight. I know as a perfectionist, and high achiever, you want to do it all at once. But that is our downfall, we have to accept that change is a process.

Additionally, how you think and talk about yourself directly affects how you feel about yourself too. So while there's no quick fix or magic wand solution to loving yourself, replacing negative self-talk with positive affirmations helps cultivate feelings of acceptance and appreciation for who you are right now. That's not meant to be a flowery fix-all, but it's a researched based understanding that what we feel, think, and experience does impact our mindset and how we perceive ourselves.

What happens when I fail to not stress eat or comfort eat?

It's bound to happen. That is where self-compassion comes in. We just can't be perfect all the time. It's not possible. On the days we do well, we need to give ourselves credit for our successes, and on the days we fall short of our expectations, we need to forgive and choose to love ourselves. You have not lost your worth if you don't achieve your goals 24/7, you are human. Embrace that, offer the same grace you offer to others, and learn to take it one step and one day at a time.

So is self-love possible to achieve?

Yes, and It may take some time, but learning how to make small steps toward loving yourself will add up in a big way over time! It can be hard to break the habit of looking for external validation, but you will soon realize that it isn't necessary to fill those gaps. With some practice, self-love and appreciation are possible! And being kind to yourself in the process makes a world of difference. Get help if needed - see a therapist or coach.

Are you ready for support? A self-paced course for stress eating online can help!

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